I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
