he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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