If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
