o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
