I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
