Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
