My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
