lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
