Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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