i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
