Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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