A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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