If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I deserve this hangover.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
