they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
