i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
