Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
