Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
