Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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