Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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