so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
