yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you win again, gameday.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
