I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
