You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
