I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
