Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
