Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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