Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
