dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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