i permit you to call me
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
