Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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