She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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