i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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