I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
