In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
