ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
