last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
