his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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