Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
