At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
