Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
