Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
