God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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