I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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