What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
