oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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