dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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