i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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