It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
