I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
