i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
